If One day I will have a son, i would have him enter the world, in a slow motion the-matrix style manner. he will be like Neo for he will be the one. he could even wear shades for all i care. Whether he’ll go out from her mother through a birth canal or through her abdomen, whether against his will or not, whether term or preterm, i want the first moment when my eyes meet his eyes, my skin touches his, when my lips kisses his delicate, moist body, i want that scene to be spit into milliseconds and further milliseconds more. I will have every single gasp, and grimace, and movement, recorded and not a single thing missed.

I would tell him that that it’s okay to cry because that will be the best indication that he is filling his lungs with air. 

I would tell him that it’s ok to clench his fist, that means his muscle is toned good and coordinated

I would tell him to shout all he can, because that means he wants to be heard, to be welcomed, to be understood… That he needs something

I would tell him it’s okay to sleep for 18 hours or even 20 hours a day if he want, as long as he would promise to wake up the next day.

I would tell him to smile on contact as early as the first month not just because the doctors suggests so, but because our world becomes colored and more complete and vibrant and draws a smile on me and her mom, too, just for a simple reflex smile.

I would have him perfect

And damaged

And sweet

And bitter

And brave

And scared

And everything

And something

And nothing

Whatever circumstance life may require of him

I will set him loose to the world and he could do everything he wants, as long as he own up to his actions and stand by it. To stand by repercussions and consequences. To savor the good things, and control the bad. I’d tell him it’s ok to make a few little screw ups in this life, but heck, don’t abuse that privilege.

I will tell him to be careful with breaking hearts, and take care of his heart as well. I’d remind him that girls are fragile and complicated and gives you a bunch of headaches and not to mention erections, but all the more you should love them, for in that labyrinth of trying to figure them out, of trying to reason out that it doesn’t matter if her dress is blue or red, of bending pride and mumbling apologies, one day, you will see beyond that. And you will become a better man after.

I will tell him, “Son, She will make you feel something that even alcohol and basketball can’t give you, she will make you  choose between her and your friends, or brods, or family or tv shows, and it’s okay if you don’t choose her. But it’s also okay to choose her, as well. Whatever you decide, because you know what? I know you wont listen to my advise anyway, even to ur mom, and to your friends, and even to yourself - if you get hurt, it’s okay. In case that happens, I will make a stash of wine in our living room, and i hope you figure out one day that i left it open for you. Break it in case of a heart emergency. Or better yet, run to me. tell me about it, son, i won’t scold you, maybe ill laugh at you for a while, but hey, the drink is on me anyway. And yes, I wont tell your mom what we talked about. But please don’t expect me to fix things up for you, no, i wont do that, i can only suggest and strongly suggest and forcefully suggest to you, but then again it’s your call. Its your heart and penis anyway.

My son, I will tell him,  the world out there is harsh on you, and you will be prone to infections and discrimination..

It will be not okay to cry, for it then be called weakness.

I will not be okay to clench your fist because it will be called anger, or if you’re unlucky, will be called rebellion.

It will not be ok to shout and have a say, because you will ruffle sensitive feathers no matter whose side you will take on. Even of you take none. 

It will not be okay to sleep because you will miss out something that needs doing, theres always that something that needs to be done.

But dont let them them convince you, cause otherwise, they will. 

But in case of bad days and rainy days and gloomy nights and drunk early mornings at the end of it all, you can always scoot beside me and your mom in our bed, we’d lie beside you. On both sides. No mater how big you will be. Or how bad alcohol smells on you. Our hug will be powerful enough to shut the world… And there will only be us, three.

You can cry, 

clench your first,

say all you can, 

Or we could just sleep 

-whatever you want, my little boy, you are home.

There may be times, my son, that you will shout a me, ‘buhay ko to’ and all that stupid lines you watch on tv (‘akala mo lang wala pero meron meron meron’), but always remind yourself that we dont do this just because half your chromosomes are from my testicles, and not because i spent a lot for your goddamn guitar lessons, basketball lessons, different workshops, gym membership, school and clubs and shit and not expect a return of investment - it is because of the simple fact that I Love You (yes i got that one from Vilma Santos)

…maybe we’re stepping in your world probably more than you want us to be… I understand. But hear me out just this time… Son, it was because when you were born, the world was in slow motion, and all the world was you., you entered the universe and we let you into our world with warm hands and teary eyes, in that moment i remember it’s as if im on that room again, the smell of the operating room, the sound of your cry, and slipperiness of your skin, and you… at that moment… you were just everything we have, full of life, full of hope, and full of promises, full of tears. In that very moment, we cried with you. 

Perhaps we’re stepping in your world more than you want us to be… For that, im sorry. We just cant accept the fact that one day, we have to step away from it.

If this is you, son, one day  reading this… If ever I didn’t live up to your expectations, i am sorry. But from this sorry, at least know now what not to do. Don’t idolize me too much that you’ll even copy my mistakes. 

Write your own book, make your own path, tell your own story.

Remember, son, You are better than me.

You must fucking be.

(this is inspired from Sarah Kaye’s “B” / “If I should have a daughter”, one of the best works ive ever seen)

It wasn’t Love at First Sight.

She rejected him many times. And she had a litany reasons why.

But he was a warrior. And he always loved a challenge. Some people sees his confidence as arrogance, including Her, but for me, it’s a thirst. A thirst for a Love Story that you will one day tell your kids, and grandkids as your eyes shine with pride how he got through hell for the girl of her dreams.

And after years of courting. While riding on a Bus for Kuya Jed’s birthday, She finally said Yes to him. If this happened today, Taylor Swift would probably be singing in the background, singing “It’s a Love Story baby just say, Yes”

It wasn’t Love at first sight.

But with a megadose of perseverance, confidence/arrogance, and sincerity, stilll, it turned out to beLove.

And it was all that mattered.

…

Twenty Five Years ago, My Dad, a Medical Student, married my Mom, a Bank Teller. You can tell by looking at their wedding pictures that they were so Happy. That they were madly, deeply, in Love. Like Robin and Mariel. Like Ogie and Regine. Like Brad and Angelina. Like Shrek and Fiona. Like Ninoy and Corie. Like Karl and Nishi. Although they’re not smiling on the wedding pic behind me as I write this. (Why do most old couples don’t smile at their wedding pics. anyway?) when you stare a little longer at their pic, you’ll know that they were made to Love each other… But at the same time, looking at it some more, you can also read fear, slightly sneaking in their eyes, scared of the road ahead, you can see a cloth of uncertainty hiding inside their pockets, and a cloud of question marks and exclamation points and ellipses wrapped around them.

What they didn’t know back then, was He was going to be one of the Best Anesthesiologists and Pain Management Pioneer in the country, and She will be one of the Top Managers of BPI. He gets to earn from his Surgeries, and She gets to keep all his money. They didn’t know that together they’ll be treading through a road of the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. That there will be Diabetes, Fatty Livers, and Hypertension. That there will be Promotions, Graduations, and Celebrations. That there will be Fights, Misunderstandings and Tempations. They have no idea of what God has in store for them, all they knew, and what they held on to, was that they were in Love. And it was all that mattered.

…

I can imagine how my Dad’s smile looked like when he was waiting for Mom to walk the aisle. For those who haven’t met Dad yet, his smile is contagious. His warmth is enough for you to sit through an entire winter when you’re with him. Perhaps I got my people-person attitude from him. And maybe the confidence/arrogance. And the passion. And the drive. And the Heart. I wonder how he felt that day. Was he scared? Did he cry? Was he drunk that night? Did he plan to make a JohnnLoyd exit like in ‘my amnesia girl?’

I can imagine how beautiful my Mom was when she was walking the aisle. She looooves attention. She doesnt admit it but she always want to be noticed. Perhaps I got my KSP attitude from her. Also the emo-ness. And the hardworking gene. And the charisma. And the Heart - oh Yes, I said I got it from my Dad. Why? Because they have the same heart. -

But I’m not done with Mom yet. I can imagine how she was walking down the aisle with whatever emo-song playing in the air. How gracefully she’d walk while everybody stares at her doll face. No caesarian sections yet, her ovaries still up and fresh, her body still sexy. Inside her uterus, is a 14wkAOG Incredibly Awesome Baby whom they will soon name, Karl.

In front of God, and the Church, and the Family, and the Town, and the Universe, They promised each to be with each other. To have and to hold, in good times and bad, through sickness and in health. For richer or poorer, till death do they part.

And then, they were One.

…

Now… After 25 years, they are to renew their vows. They’ll say it with a lot more meaning, for they’ve already tested what they said. Through sickness. Through poorer. Through bad times. Through Blood and Shit and Bitches and Bullies and Failures and Fire.

They are to look back on that day, when they said ‘I do’, and be glad that they did. and still do. and will do.

They will smile at the fear they probably felt back then and pour it with the gratitude theyre feeling now.

They will look back on their pictures, and see how much they’ve changed. More than just the grey hairs and facial lines, but on how deeper the stories their eyes can tell right now. And how profound the wisdom they can pass to you by just holding your hand.

Now, after 25 years. He doesnt care that he’s already the Kick Ass Doctor, and She is now the most hardworking Banker. They already have reached their dreams from themselves. But today, it doesnt matter to them.  

Because all they knew,

and what they hold on to,

is that they are

and will forever be

in Love.

That He got Her

and She got Him

And that is all that matters.

Nakakatawa pag puso ang pinaguusapan. Nagpakasal si Mariel Rodriguez kay Robin Padilla kahit under 6 months palang silang naglalampungan. Si Kris Aquino minahal parin si James Yap kahit walang tigil na nakikipagkangkangan ang asawa niya sa kung sino sino – at chismis ng faci namin sa Surgery, may nabuntis pa daw siyang Med Student ng UST. Shhh. Nagpapakatangang mag-agawan si Jacob at Edward sa di naman kagandahang si Bella. Libo libong barko ang pinakawalan para lang iligtas si Helen ng Troy. At si Romeo at Juliet ay nagpakamatay - Kasi akala nung isa, patay na yung isa kaya nagpakamatay na siya, paggising nung isa, nagulat siya kasi nagpakamatay yung mahal niya dahil akala niya na patay na siya… kaya, nagpakamatay nga talaga siya. Magsama silang magyakapan sa impyerno.

Kung ikaw siguro ay pinapanood lang sila from a distance na walang emotional involvement, malamang isa lang masasabi mo sa kanila: ang tatanga nilang lahat.

Pero mas nakakatawang isipin kung ikaw na ang nasa kwento. Kung ikaw na ang pinagtaksilan ng asawa mo sa isang receptionist dahil lang buntis ka at di mo mabigay ang mga makamundong pagnanasa nya. Na binabalikan mo yung syota mong nakipaghalikan sa iba at pinatawad mo kasi nga naman ‘lasing daw sya’. Pano kung ikaw na yung nasa kwento? Ikaw na ang nagchichicken dance dahil nakakakilig yung text nung nilalandi mo.  Na di ka mapakali kakagulong sa kama mo kasi hindi pa siya nagrereply. Na nagpapakamartir ka sa isang taong may pinili nang iba pero anjan ka pa rin kahit mukha kang tanga pero di mo kasi marealize na ampangit pangit mo kaya di ka nya magustuhan. Yung di ka kakain ng 3 linggo para lang sa isang araw na date. Di ka magaaral sa Exam mo sa Radiology kinabukasan dahil sa dami ng iniisip mo… maiisip mo, ‘oo nga no, isa na ako sa mga tangang yun.’ At maiisip mong, hindi naman pala katangahan yun.

Siguro naman lahat ng tao merong kanya kanyang katangahan pag usapang puso. Merong nakakatawa. Merong nakakasuka. Merong parang gago. Merong cute. Merong ayaw mo nang pakinggan o balikan. Bakit nga ba hindi makapagisip ng maayos ang tao pag rumaragasa ang kulay reglang 4 letter word na yan? Aminin mo, to some degree, merong kang nagawang katangahan o mukhang tanga. Dahil sa pag-ibig. At para sakin, wala tayong karapatan mangkutya ng kahit sino dahil sa mga desisyon na palibhasa salungat sa paniniwala mo na ay tatawagin mo nang ‘mali’

Shet. Pag-ibig daw. Nakakatawa rin naman kasi isipin, na people really do crazy things out of it. Ang facebook ay nabuo dahil sa pagkabasted kay Zuckerberg. Tinawid ni Richard Gutierrez and Ondoy Flood para lang maligtas si Cristine Reyes (teka, magsyota ba sila nun?),  si Ogie Diaz ay may asawa’t anak kahit bakla parin siya – bakit nga ba? Bakit nawawala tayo sa tamang ulirat at tamang dahilan kung nalasing na tayo ng Endorphines ng Love? Bakit tayo pumapayag masaktan? Bakit tayo naghihintay?  Bakit bumebenta ang flowers sa Dangwa? Bakit naging box office ang My Amnesia Girl? Bakit tayo natutulog ng nakangiti pag alam nating natutulog din ng nakangiti yung mahal mo dahil sayo? Bakit merong abot langit ang ngiti dahil lang tinext siya ng ‘oo’ ng nililigawan nya? Bakit ganto ang PU********G PAGIBIG?

Syempre hindi ko yan masasagot. Dahil tanungin mo ang isandaang tao kung bakit ganito ay isang daang magkakaibang sagot lang ang makukuha mo. Iba ang isasagot ng Doktor, iba ang isasagot ng pokpok, ng manikurista, ng pilosopo at iba ang isasagot ni Kris Aquino. Dahil wala talagang maayos na sagot kung bakit nagpapakatanga, nagpapakabaliw, nagpapakasasa, at nagpapakalasing ang mga tao dahil sa mga bagay na may kinalaman sa puso. At kung meron man, hindi makukuntento ang mga tao sa sagot na yon. Sabi ko nga sa dati kong blog, ‘Love has reasons that even reason can’t explain’

Siguro ang pinakamagandang gawin nalang ay magkaroon tayo ng mga kaibigang nasa labas para makita ang mga hindi natin nakikita, na sasalo sa atin kung sakaling ma out of balance ka sa kabaliwan mo. Na ienjoy ang mabuting pakiramdam na tinatawag ng mga kabataan na ‘kilig kilig’ o ‘chuvachuchu’ at gamitin ito para sa ikabubuti mo (tulad ng mainspire sa pag-aaral, pagiging mabuting mamamayan ng bansa, pagbabawas ng sungit, matutong magipon ng pera, maging mabuting tao) At kung sa tingin mo’y masakit na, tanungin mo sa sarili mo kung tama pa bang ipaglaban o dapat nang ipahinga. Kung dapat bang ituloy pa ang pantasya o magising ka na.

Pero sigurado akong pag nabihag ang puso nyo. Yung tipong baliw baliw baliiiw inlove -

– hindi nyo rin susundin ang payo ng kahit sino. :p

my laptop died on me last monday. I ignored all his symptoms of slowing down, flickering, giving weird messages, seizures, stupor — until it finally succumbed to a coma that leaves me just staring into the most hopeless display that Windows could give you: the Blue Screen.

I was scared of all the unpublished works I, the pictures I have, the Fraternity documents, Videos, and Music - everything wasn’t backed up. So I rushed him to the UST Med MIC to have him resuscitated…

2 days after admission, my Laptop is alive again. I just chose what files to keep and in a few hours, it’s back with a better OS and a better antivirus program . It’s as if nothing happened. It has all my files at my documents, downloads, music and pictures. no more interruptions from the viruses and everything is back as good as new.

—-

if you screwed up too much in life,for a laptop, reformatting would be easy. you just pay a certain amount, choose the ones to take with you and discard other ones. the next day you’ll wake up without pain, and all the gain. plus the sleekier features of a new operating system. sometimes i wish our minds would just be like that. imagine how easy would it be to download information and share it, and delete anything that’s just dragging us down. how easy life would be if we choose our friends online, and discard them after. we get new games, and when we’re done, we delete.

and if everything becomes unbearable again, we just run back to our nearest friendly technician for a reset.

unfortunately, we’re not like laptops. there is no CTRL + ALT  + DELETE. there is no pause, or rewind, no ESC button or if it all doesnt work, we just pull our battery packs out and put it back in and start anew. We’re all human. We deal with every pain, get through moving-on stages, and suffer without the help of Kaspersky, and Doctors can only help us only to a point, yet the rest is still up to us. We don’ t simply un-friend someone just because you dont like her anymore. We dont get married in a click of a mouse, and break up 10 minutes after. we suffer consequences, and we become what we are now and what we will be because of it. no CTRL+Z allowed. When we screw up, we deal with it. We suck it up, and face all the repercussions.

on the other hand, fortunately, we’re not like laptops. because despite of all, we learn in the process. we become stronger due to the pain. every little thing we do, leave scars on us. and each scar has a story to tell - not just how it got hurt, and how it bled, but also how it stopped bleeding and healed. we take part in the vicious cycle of love-and-get-hurt without shortcuts, because each part of the process has something to teach us. With a laptop, it’s ok to make the same mistakes again. It’s OK to be careless. OK to be damaged - it’d be backed up anyway. But in real life, We stop making the same mistakes because we’re tired of making new Files just to be deleted and deleted again - no backup. That each time we stumble, we get stronger for it.

Fortunately, we are human. We may not have 2 Tera byte Hard Drives, but We have Feelings. We appreciate the warmth of a kiss from someone special, the hands of a loved one, a hug from a friend. Laptops can’t feel that even if it dedicates all it’s hard drive to porn. Laptops may get reformatted from time to time, but We suck up all mistakes, fall, but stand up a better person after. Laptops have shelf lives, after that, you replace them. Us? No matter what happens with our life, we try to survive it. try to understand it. try to appreciate it. and ultimately, try to live it - and in the end, be thankful for it.

If everything we hated at that time was deleted just because we were at an unbearable pain, then we wouldn’t have matured at all. There would be no growth or progress just because we’ll go back to the start every time.

and no matter how advanced Science is, it will never, ever, make a robot imitate the miracle of life.